My second wife, Anna, rescued me from an unfulfilled earlier marriage.
Free Spirits in Love
Her office was in a prewar Quonset building on the edge of campus that housed the offices of student affairs. She was a wizard maven who turned a usually stiff bureaucratic office of serious bureaucrats into a community of creativity, fun, and accomplishment.
The site of Student Affairs hosted an environment that produced monthly reports juiced up with literary writings, cartoons, and interesting schedules of events. Anna loved celebrations: birthday parties, national holidays. The school year calendar was punctuated by many events in the Quonset office and in her home.
The staff’s diversity reflected her personality: a male secretary who was the first at the school, a Black Muslim, and a counsellor full of energy, humor, and creativity. This collection created the college’s first and premier diverse office.
She was also an exceptional cook who brought her own baked products to work. And, unlike me, she was often early to work, always on time.
In other words, she had used the wand of her character to produce a collegiate kibbutz.
I first became aware of Anna during a discussion in the faculty meeting. They were arguing about the criteria for teaching the January interim courses. The cause for this concern was that Anna, who did not have an appropriate degree, had already offered a course on Zen. The issue was whether she or anyone of low academic status should be allowed to teach an interim course. True to my instincts, I thought we should ask her what she taught. Zen was not a common topic. Few people understood it. So, I went to her office to interrogate her. She convinced me that she knew the material as well as the spiritual value of the topic.
After I separated from my first wife, I had lunch with Anna’s staff. During the meal she invited the group to attend Neil Young’s movie, Rust Never Sleeps. I had no idea about its nature or content. My only experience with “rust” was during my replacement of a toilet in my home. Only Anna and I had the time to spend an evening at the movies. On what became inaugurated as our first date, I read her my poetry. She politely smiled. Even though she was an accomplished writer and poet, she did not reject my effort nor reject me.
What sealed our relationship was our trip to Japan that Fall. I had a sabbatical, and she took a two-week vacation. What totally won me over was her faith in me. She had no way of knowing that I really was competent in the Japanese language. Or that I knew how to travel well and safely in Japan. Her faith was vindicated. We both were thrilled by the nature of our trip.
In addition to the excitement of being in Japan, we formed a good team. She was knowledgeable about pottery. Part of my trip was to buy ceramics for an art store in Minneapolis. So, we had a common purpose to travel. She returned early while I stayed on to buy more pottery and engage in some research.
Gradually, Anna and her college office became the center of my emotional life.
Two years later in 1983 we returned to Japan. The personal purpose of the trip was to get married.
We had a Shinto marriage ceremony in the famous Tokyo shrine. It was arranged for us by the President of the Company with whom I had a strong business relationship. 
We thoroughly enjoyed the three priests who played music, waved fronds, and chanted prayers. No English was used! They spiritually united us.
Two years later in 1985, we had another wedding in Maui. We chose Maui because of its beauty. We signed up for the ceremony at the historic City Hall where we were joined in matrimony on the balcony overlooking the bay. The service was delayed while we waited for the judge who was presiding over a drug case. This was our second wedding ceremony. The legal identity in Maui overlapped with the earlier spiritual ritual in Tokyo. As I mentioned earlier, Anna loved celebrations!
2012
Mother’s Day 2023
Richard C. Kagan
How lovely that you introduce, bit by bit, to your wonderful second wife and the ways in which you two fit together; only briefly mentioning that you had a first, failed marriage. Since the prompt was “divorce”, we know you had one, but you’ve delivered yourself and us and shown us there was light and happiness after that divorce. Thank you for this.
Dear Betsy:
If you divorced or experienced divorce through family or friends, how did it change the lives involved? What followed? Solitude? A rebound affair? Remarriage? Think back about Divorce and share forward took my queue from the second part of the prompt which suggested we could write about what after.
From the divorce story that I wrote: neither of my parents remarried. My father dated several women in California, but he was done with marriage (he was 67 years old at the time of the divorce; he lived another 9 years). My mother lived a fairly solitary life. She saw some of her remaining family in Detroit, and of course, she saw us occasionally until I moved her to the Boston area, when I had over for dinner every Sunday night and took her to all her doctor appointments.
I think what my romantic travails taught me most emphatically was the unpredictability of it all. After finally escaping from a marriage that was the culmination of a years-long emotional decline and almost precipitated my suicide, a mere two months later, I somehow jumped back in, with Gina. That was a move that no one would have predicted, or advised, for her OR me.
Thanx Richard for sharing your joy in meeting and marrying Anna, indeed love can be just as lovely the second time around!
Love this story Richard. Your marriage to Anna was amazing, everything about it. Seems like you were perfect for each other in so many ways. You’re a very lucky man and the best part is you know it. I think your first marriage could have just been a simple mistake of being young and jumping too soon into such an intense emotional bond. ( I have a lot of nerve, don’t I? Since you expertly avoided all talk of your divorce, and artistically introduced your real love). Also loved the title.
Patty
Your insight is right on. Thanks.
R
What a lovely tribute to Anna and your marriage. Sometimes, second time’s the charm.
This was a beautiful story (as were the pictures!), unfolding nicely and full of love and appreciation. What wonderful memories and experiences, showing how moving forward can be the perfect thing to do.
As one who has been in situations like yours and emerged into a new and better life, I’m glad you didn’t let the first unfulfilling relationship keep you from trying again, Richard. Thanks for taking us along on your journey.