Cheating has had little place in my life, whether by me or on me. With one notable exception.
That August, Veronica walked out on me.
By the summer of 1986, my first marriage to Veronica was a mere shell, a golem, a corpse without the decency to stop moving around. I felt alone as I had never felt alone before. For more than four years, she had deliberately isolated me (or I’d isolated myself) from friends and family. People who knew me before and after tell me that, during this relationship, I was another person, angry, mean-spirited, someone they didn’t recognize and couldn’t talk to. This period was my personal bottoming out, the end of the nearly decade-long descent into the abyss that began in college. It was the most perilous time I have ever experienced. (Egrets in Morning Sunlight).
That August, Veronica walked out on me. She had started having an affair with her considerably older doctoral dissertation advisor.
The oddest thing about those days in late 1986 was having to explain to people, when they learned what had happened, that I was not at all sad about the end of my marriage. I was on the rebound, for certain, but not from the breakup. I needed to recover from Veronica, and even more, from the previous nine years.
Cheating was the best thing she ever did for me
Dave VentreA hyper-annuated wannabee scientist with a lovely wife and a mountain biking problem.
Bravo Dave – all well that ends well , and you ended with Gina!
Sometimes a bad act can do you a favor, Dave, and I’m glad it worked out for you. I can understand why you were relieved. There was no cheating involved in the breakup of my first marriage, which was very protracted. Often, during that time, I wished that one or both of us had cheated, because the end could have come sooner rather than trying to repair the marriage in vain.
More than a few times I wished that I had played around during my first marriage. I was punished for doing so despite not having done so; at least I might have had some fun in the bargain!
Perfect story – showing that sometimes cheating has beneficial results!
Terrific story, Dave. And just a great, ironic message. Though I’m not sure exactly what the message is other than that sometimes good things happen when bad things happen to you.
I have to ask: Did you ever thank Veronica?
Sort of. Some months after starting my relationship with Gina, Veronica found out that I was happy and decided she didn’t like it. She tried to talk me into coming back to her to “save our marriage” and said that if I didn’t, it would be all my fault that we split up. Essentially four years of physical and emotional abuse by her had nothing to do with it; it was on me. I laughed long and hard, asked her if she thought me utterly insane, told her I could live with that guilt, and hung up.
So glad you had a good way to escape a bad situation. And good you could laugh at her suggestion it was all your fault instead of accepting that accusation. I also was in a relationship where the person started seeing others, and was relieved that it made it easier for me to get out. Fortunately happened before many years passed.
A great example of the benefits of cheating, by someone else. Rather than hurt you, it liberated you and enabled you to move on.
I love this, Dave, the jolt of your writing, and your truthiness. Wonderful.
You are well-rid of Veronica for so many reasons, Dave. That she cheated on you merely gave you the impetus you needed to move on. Gina is your reward.