Ah, stress! The ever-present uninvited guest at the banquet of life, refusing to leave even after polite (or impolite) hints. Now, some folks, bless their little cortisol-pumping hearts, seem to thrive on it. They’re like squirrels on espresso, bouncing off the walls with deadlines looming and their smart phones exploding with emails.

Me? I’m more of a wilting lily under a stress hurricane. The mere mention of something like oh say filing my taxes sends me reaching for the gin and a good Lee Child novel (because frankly, fictional murder pales in comparison to real-life financial accounting).

But enough about me, let’s delve into the murky depths of this universal frenemy. Why do we, the supposedly rational homo sapiens, let this invisible gremlin hijack our brains and turn us into jittery messes? Is it the constant barrage of news alerts about impending societal collapse? (YES) The ever-growing pressure to curate a picture-perfect life on social media (while secretly living on Instant Ramen)? (YES) Or perhaps it’s the existential dread of knowing we’re hurtling through space on a giant rock with limited resources and an unsettling continuous fondness for choosing buffoons as leaders? (YES)

Whatever the reason, stress clings to us like a barnacle on a particularly unfortunate seafaring vessel. But fear not, fellow stressed-out souls! Because just like there’s a self-help book for every neurosis, there’s a coping mechanism for every stressor. Here are a few of my personal favorites, guaranteed to either alleviate your anxiety or at least provide some much-needed gallows humor:

Embrace the Absurdity: Sometimes, the best way to deal with the ridiculousness of it all is to laugh. Find humor in the mundane, the absurd, the sheer ridiculousness of being a stressed-out human in a stressed-out world. Watch stand-up comedy, read those satirical essays inside Retrospect, or simply observe the pigeons fighting over discarded french fries in the park – laughter is the best medicine, even if it comes with a side order of cosmic freak out.

Channel Your Inner Zen Master (or at least a decent impersonation): Meditation, mindfulness, yoga – these all sound lovely, but let’s be honest, most of us have the attention span of a goldfish on Red Bull. Instead, try simpler forms of “me-time”: take a long walk in nature, stare at the clouds and imagine shapes (bonus points for rude or crude ones) or even just take five minutes of uninterrupted bathroom time (don’t judge, we’ve all been there).

Retail Therapy (with Caution): Let’s face it, sometimes retail therapy is the only therapy that truly speaks to our souls. But beware, dear reader, for the joy of that pricey new gadget is fleeting, while the dent in your bank account is permanent. So, indulge sparingly, choose experiences and adventures over things, and maybe consider buying a nice stress ball instead of that designer handbag (trust me, it’s more effective).

Complain Out Loud: Venting can be cathartic, but choose your audience wisely. Don’t be that person who turns every conversation into a stress-fueled monologue. Find a supportive friend, a therapist, or even a particularly receptive houseplant (judgment-free zone guaranteed). Just remember, there’s a fine line between venting and becoming a human black hole of negativity.

Remember, We Are All In This Together: In the grand scheme of things, our individual stresses might seem monumental, but we are all just grains of sand on the shared beach of existence. Take solace in the fact that everyone, from CEOs to baristas to bartenders experience stress. We’re all in this crazy big blue boat together, so paddle on, my friends, and try not to capsize from laughter or dread.

Remember, stress in life might be inevitable, but how we deal with it is a choice. So, laugh, breathe, complain strategically, and above all, be kind to yourself. After all, the world needs our wit now more than ever. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a stress ball and a particularly amusing Harry Bosch novel. Cheers to us and surviving the stress storm, one witty remark at a time!

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Kevin Driscoll
(Mostly) Vegetarian, Politically Progressive, Daily Runner, Spiritual, Helpful, Friendly, Kind, Warm Hearted and Forgiving. Resident of Braintree MA.