Mother,
How clear it seems in retrospect.
When your daughters all left you
And you worried and fretted
Young and uncertain women alone, strewn across the globe:
Guam, Senegal, California
And we searched for evidence of approval
In the subtext of your concerns
You, who defied your father
To sail alone to China
To teach in the middle of a civil war
And it changed your life
Didn’t you
At least
At some point
Feel a little bit
Flattered?
Khati Hendry
Characterizations:
moving, well written
You three followed in her uncertain footsteps. Perhaps she didn’t realize what a strong example she set for you three as you grew into smart, independent women. It reflected well on her, whether she could embrace it or not.
I like that interpretation Betsy. Of course we all thought we were being original when we took off, not realizing how deeply family experiences can affect everyone. It was a little interesting that we might have expected more enthusiastic support for our ventures, but it is probably the prerogative of the parent to worry primarily—which is also likely what her own dad was doing when he refused to see her off. How much clearer we see in retrospect.
Beautiful Khati,!
Thru your stories I’ve come to know you and your courageous parents!
Too bad we couldn’t all have met over cocktails back in the day. I think it would have been a simpatico time.
We could meet over cocktails more often now if certain people didn’t move up to God’s country!
Or others didn’t visit. One of these days I hope to meet again.
Touche, I guess the distance is the same in both directions, but still hoping you’ll get yourselves DOWN HERE!
She was definitely proud of you. But of course for moms, the worrying comes first. Such an amazingly strong woman, she bestowed her fiercest instincts on all of you. You were blessed.
Thanks. Yes, she would say she was proud of us every so often and we were always taken a little off guard. Just as you might take love for granted but not vocalize it enough.
I’m sure your mother did feel proud to have raised such independent daughters. Her example clearly inspired you to follow your own path in life.
I hope so. She could be hard to read in a Northern European sort of way and didn’t want to give us swelled heads. Time has given me better perspective. Isn’t it the case that now, when it is too late, is when you want to have those conversations?
My Dad always told me how proud he was. Mom never did until close to the end, but then I realized she’d been showing it all along.
So glad you realized how much your parents loved you and were proud of you, and they were able to (ultimately) express it—or at least you could finally see it. Funny how so many of us search for approval and don’t see what is there. And I imagine my parents wanted to believe I loved them and was proud of them and I wasn’t good at saying that either. Of course that may have something to do with the fact most families also drive each other crazy.
Your mother was a pioneer for the women, like Pearl Buck, Barbara Tuchman, Isabella Bird, and many others who did not fear leaving the securities of home to work in foreign environments. I have always encouraged my female students to travel abroad (even alone) after graduation and before getting a job or married. Among them were a human rights worker in Pakistan, an environmental aid in China, a tobacco researcher in Taiwan.
A little encouragement goes a long way—thanks for providing that. There are many good stories we don’t hear about. Travel literally gives perspective and opens possibilities, and often hearts.
Khati, what a wonderful way of framing imitation of your mother as a sincere form of flattery. Thanks for this provocative poem.
Of course we thought we were all just doing our own thing, and getting little support, but in retrospect we were indeed following in her footsteps and not sure she saw this as the compliment it was. In fact, the one who had the biggest problem with my mother was the sister who ended up most closely emulating her. Families are interesting.