“What in the world will we do with all this stuff?”
Soon after our mother passed away, my sister and I were faced with the daunting task that so many of our generation are dealing with these days: sorting through a lifetime’s accumulation of clothes, jewelry, tchotchkes, and mementos. Drawer after drawer revealed scarves, purses, music boxes, aprons, gloves, shawls, and costume jewelry dating back to the ’50s and even earlier. We found shoeboxes in Mom’s closet that contained the high heels that we wobbled around in when we were little girls– unworn for over forty years. We found the purses dyed or purchased to match the size 5 ½ shoes, all still stacked in their original boxes. Some of the ceramic earrings we remembered from the year we lived in New York; our mother bought them from a street vendor in Greenwich Village in 1958. The orange ones went with the orange wool dress and matching heels.
We had to do something with all of this bounty. Some of the things we kept for ourselves, but we started to think about which of our friends might like this or that necklace or handbag. We doled items out one at a time, but then we came up with the perfect idea: we would put on a “bring your own bag” trunk show, and let our friends choose from the dizzying array of accessories and “what-nots” that filled our mother’s house. Once we decided to put on a give-away party, it helped us categorize the items: keep, give-away or toss. We decided to give our mother’s treasured things a second life, with new owners.
The day before the event, we set everything out on my extended dining room table. But that wasn’t really big enough, so we used chairs and other horizontal surfaces until we found a place for everything. It was an impressive array of stuff. We also set out for display many of the hats that our mother made during her millinery phase throughout the 60’s and 70’s. The hats had all been boxed up in a large closet; her creations of feathers, fur, flowers and straw had not seen the light of day for decades. The hats ranged from “Wow!” to “what was she thinking?” but all together it was quite a body of work.
Mom, wearing one of her flowery hats. We all wore hats to this wedding
The turquoise hat Mom is wearing and my sister’s little pillbox can be seen in the featured photo, on the left. My mom saved everything.
When the big day arrived, our friends walked around the table slowly, taking in each category: the jewelry, the shawls and kimonos, the scarves, hats and knick-knacks. At first, they treated the display as if it were under glass at a museum. But then, someone tried on a necklace or held up a scarf… and the fun began. We were delighted as each of our friends found something special to take, and we encouraged everyone to “try that on!”
Some of our friends brought their daughters, lured by the promise that many of the items were truly vintage. No one went home empty-handed, and more than one person filled a couple of bags.
We tried to tell a story about each piece, so that its new owner could start out knowing some part of its history: Mom bought that in Greece, or Italy, or London; it was a birthday gift or a present she bought for herself, she wore this to the symphony or the theatre.
Many of the women who came to our event have since told us tales about their new/old finery.
A charm bracelet, a beaded evening bag, a pair of earrings, a floaty chiffon wrap–they are enjoying these things as our mother must have.
The handmade wool scarf that was my most recent Hanukkah gift to my mother kept my friend Chris warm in winter. The antique lace-trimmed velveteen pincushion now resides in England with my friend Debbie– a funny reminder of our shared agony in junior high sewing class. New memories are in the making.
The second lives turned out to be good ones for these treasures. We gave them a great send-off for the next part of their journey.
And a sad postscript: After my sister passed away in 2015, I did this again with some of her treasured things. Many of the same friends came to my house to take home a memento. The stories poured out: I gave her this for her birthday; we shopped for this together in Italy; I was with her when she bought those earrings…. The mood was very different, though. People were reluctant to take things that had been hers, but they soon got into the spirit of it, knowing that she would’ve wanted them to celebrate the memories and the good times they shared with her. The occasion provided us with an opportunity to share a moment, some laughs, and a few tears. Her memory lives on in each piece of jewelry, every framed photograph, and all the rest.
Risa, this is a wonderful story! Happy and sad at the same time, just as I imagine that the events you describe were. What a wonderful idea to give everything away to friends, instead of trying to sell it to strangers. I love the idea of second lives that you get to hear about for all of these treasures. And you still have your pictures to remember everything by. I love clicking on the images of the tables, so I can see all the items in greater detail. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Thanks for the kind words, Suzy. The pictures don’t even do the array justice! There was stuff everywhere! Glad you enjoyed the pictures!
What a sweet way to remember your mom and sister, Risa, although I understand how painful it must have been when your sister passed. I love the photos of all that vintage fashion finery. Bakelite and rhinestones are so in for those who love Retro. Alas, my mother got rid of her mother-in-law’s Art Deco jewelry, except for one beaded necklace I managed to salvage. As a hat lover myself, I think the hats are a lovely way for each person to remember your loved ones.
Thanks for your comments, Marian. My sister and I actually had fun doing the one for our mom, but it was so different doing the same thing for her. She had so many lovely friends. It was a comfort to me to have them gather together.
That is one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard of, Risa! What a beautiful, thoughtful, joyful way to extend the life of these precious items in a meaningful way. In fact, I’m going to print your story out and attach it my final papers as a suggestion! It will also take a lot of the pressure off my feeling the need to get rid of things I am just not ready to part with. Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful story here!
Feel free to borrow this idea! Thanks so much for your kind words. Much appreciated.
Wonderful and sweet story Risa!
My mom was not a saver, nor was she very clothes-minded , and I don’t remember having much to deal with when she died two decades ago.
But my younger aunt Babs was very much the fashionable lady. When she died, the last of her generation, just a few years ago, my cousins asked my help in sorting through their mom’s wardrobe and jewelry.
What a sweet time we had trying on some of her clothes, laughing over family memories and shedding a few tears.
Risa, this is a wonderful way to honor and remember your mother (and, regrettably, also your sister). Rather than selling her treasures to strangers, you took this different approach, which I love! Thank you for sharing these photos and memories with us too. Now the treasures continue to live with another generation and the stories come back to you with fresh meaning. How great is that?
While I’ve never taken pleasure in going to garage sales, I do enjoy wandering through antique stores, including vintage clothing shops. Women used to be smaller, so I can sometimes find something interesting that fits, as I did last summer on Nantucket, a wonderful linen Oscar de la Renta blouse in a fabulous tangerine color. It had such a pinched-in waistline that even I had to move the hook closure a bit. Unfortunately, no chance to wear it during this pandemic summer, but it’s a classic, so I know I’ll enjoy it for years to come.
I love this story, Risa. What a perfect way to send your mother’s possession into the lives of people who will treasure and use them. So much better than a yard/garage sale that caters to strangers or dumping them into a Goodwill box. I have felt the same way about downsizing recently. When one of the men doing work on my house admired my second hand dining room set and was willing to take it, it made me feel happy that another family would gather around the huge table and enjoy it.