Elaine Zeve

Because of the peculiarities of the Detroit school system, I had Mrs. Zeve for 2A and 3B, but a whole school year, which was unusual for the Pasteur Elementary School. (I think of her as my second grade teacher, though that wasn’t technically true.) She was a 32 year old divorcée with a young daughter of her own, named Rhonda. She had been a Radio and Communications Major at the University of Michigan. Now she needed to earn a living and became an elementary school teacher. I absolutely adored her from the start.

And I know she loved me too. I was shy, starting into that gawky phase. I got glasses while I was her student. She also wore glasses and somehow made it seem alright for me. Even though everyone called me Betsy, she knew my real name was Elizabeth and asked if I’d been named for Elizabeth Taylor. This was 1959-60, when Elizabeth Taylor was the most beautiful woman on earth. Oh yeah, I thought Mrs. Zeve was terrific.

Of course she taught us all the subjects except art and PE, but her speciality was reading. She often read aloud to us, doing unique voices for each of the characters. I can still hear her reading “Charlotte’s Web” to us, snarling as Templeton, a light voice for Charlotte, innocence for Wilbur. I refused to ever see the cartoon; I didn’t want any other voices to ever erase Mrs. Zeve’s in my head.

She had us act out stories too and soon learned that I had a good cackle (who knew?) so I frequently read the witch when we did fairy tales. This began my life-long ambition to be an actress, which she encouraged. I suspect she had harbored a similar dream.

A few years later, she was thrilled when I was cast as Gretel in the all-school production of “Hansel and Gretel”. This was a huge coup, as my elementary school was K-8 and I was only a 5th grader. She was my biggest fan. I once visited her at her home on a Saturday and met Rhonda. We had her over for dinner one night some years later. I remember she had a delicate stomach; she couldn’t eat tomatoes and certain other foods.

When I was in 11th grade, she came to see me in my high school play. I played Elaine in “Arsenic and Old Lace”. I was thrilled that all those years later, she was still my biggest fan. Her birthday was two days before mine and for nine years we faithfully exchanged birthday cards, hers always addressed to “My Sweet Betsy”…until my senior year in high school. I found it odd that after all those years she didn’t send me a card.

Two months later, my mother got a call from a friend who was Mrs. Zeve’s cousin. She had died of stomach cancer. She was 42 years old. I was stricken; beyond grief. My mother took me to her funeral. I said goodbye a final time.

But I still carry her with me. She supported a shy little girl and encouraged her to get out of herself and become a character on the stage. She saw my potential. I will always love her.

 

Writing That Paper

Though he is five years my elder, my brother and I have always been close. He is super-smart and he did help me with some homework when I was a kid and looked to him for guidance. He left for Brandeis as I began 8th grade. My mother’s sisters predicted that I would flunk out of school. Just to spite them, I proceeded to get straight A’s for the next five years. I may not be as smart as Rick, but I’m no slouch.

I missed him very much; even more when he went off to Israel for two years to study for the rabbinate just as I began my college life at Brandeis. Then we really could barely communicate, except by aerogram and we were both too busy for many of those. I was very happy when he returned just as I entered my Junior year. He was in Cincinnati at Hebrew Union College, I was in Waltham, MA. A long distance call was expensive. Yet, there were times when I just needed to spit ball.

I and not, by nature, a procrastinator, but I didn’t like writing long papers and would put those off. Talking to Rick was a great way to procrastinate. We’d talk about everything under the sun, but also, I’d bounce ideas for the paper off of him. He was always a good sounding board for me; about my school work or life in general, a win-win. After a good conversation with him, I was full of ideas and ready to tackle the subject at hand.

In retrospect, thanks Rick, for being such a great big brother! You are compassionate and clever and have given me lots of great advice along the way.

 

One Singular Sensation

Shortly after we married, in the mid-70s, we had a lot of friends living in New York City and we’d visit often, driving in, staying on the pullout sofa with Paul and Beth. Jeffrey and Susan, residents to this day, always had a pulse on what was au courant. In 1975 they told us about this fascinating, innovative show they’d seen Off Broadway. Soon it was the talk of the town and moved, with great acclaim, to the Great White Way. It was “A Chorus Line”.

Everyone I knew was buzzing about it. It won the Tony Award for Best Musical and the Pulitzer Prize in 1976. I couldn’t wait to see it, but couldn’t get tickets until early in 1977. This was a show for ME, that frustrated actress who never got cast (not that I went to New York, I didn’t have the gumption for that).

I sat there spell bound as each character told their own back story; the heartbreak of rejection – one who finds solace in her ballet class, one who comes out of the closet, one whose dance audition score card always read, “Dance- 10, Looks – 3”, so she got plastic surgery (great song – I still love to sing “Tits and Ass”… get yourself a fancy pair, tighten up your derriere, keep the best of you, do the rest of you!). And the fading star who just wants to work, played originally by the great Donna McKechnie from Royal Oak, Michigan. By the time we got to see the show, she had left for other opportunities, but is on the original cast album, which of course I wore out, listening to it.

We saw the show again when the National Tour came to Boston. It became the longest running show on Broadway at the time, had a long, successful run in London and a successful revival. The movie was beyond pathetic. Actually, I never saw it, but the reviews said it all; they changed the concept and killed the show. DO NOT SEE IT!

Years later, a revival of “Sweet Charity” came through Boston, starring Donna McKechnie. It is a silly show, but we enjoyed it. Great dance numbers, fun music.

We went to the Ritz Café for dessert after. Who should come in with her entourage and sit a few seats away from us but Donna herself. I knew we went to the same high school and heard she was friends with the daughter of my parents’ best friends, so I decided I’d politely go chat. Dan was mortified, “You aren’t really going to approach her, are you?” “Why not? I have a personal connection.”

So I began by telling her how much we had just enjoyed her as Charity (I thought that was a good way to begin). She seemed pleased. I went on to tell her that I, too, had gone to Royal Oak Dondero High School. She seemed genuinely surprised. I said I’d been told that she was friends with Judy Berry, whose parents were my parents’ best friends. Her brow furrowed for a moment. She was digging deep into the memory bank, but had a eureka moment. She remembered and was so pleased that I’d brought her those greetings. I left her alone with her minions after that.

One, singular sensation…

 

 

Rex

One day back in 1976 a German shepherd came out of nowhere to show up at our kitchen door. He was not emaciated; he looked good. But he was thirsty, so we took care of that. He decided to move in, sleeping in the mudroom of our tiny rented cottage in a dusty southern Idaho bean field.

Naturally, it would have been high-desert sagebrush as far as the eye could see. But in the early 1900s men dammed the Snake River, tore out much of the sagebrush, and dug many miles of irrigation ditches. Because potatoes, sugar beets, and other crops grew well in the volcanic soil with the simple addition of water, the wide plain on both sides of the river was named “The Magic Valley”.

The dog was confident, noble — a gentleman among canines. He had no collar, but was easily identified by a permanently burst blood vessel in his left eye. He also was fearless, loyal, and smart. Cate, my partner, named him Rex. We had both been afraid of shepherds (my mom called them police dogs) in the past, but Rex never showed the slightest mean streak. In fact, nothing rattled him.

Maybe he needed companionship. When we took him camping in the Sawtooths, we realized he must have spent a stretch of time on his own. We brought dry dogfood, but around the campsite he would spend half an hour or so standing over a ground squirrel’s hole, tensed for a lightening-fast lunge. When the squirrel finally stuck its head up to see if the coast were clear, that head was immediately in Rex’s teeth. He would tilt his head back, chomp the rodent’s body a few times (we heard bones cracking), and swallow the squirrel whole. He repeated this several times a day, on every trip we took him on.

One weekend we camped at the base of a steep foothill covered with stiff, dry grass. It was mid-morning on a cloudless day. The sky was that enchanting dark blue that you only see out west because of the low humidity. Cate and I were both reading Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, by Tom Robbins. It was her turn with the paperback, so I decided I needed to see the view from the top of the hill. Cate counseled against it, as it was quite hot already, but I felt I had a mission. Rex came with me.

The hill was higher than it looked. And when Rex and I got to the top of the ridge we discovered a slight dip, then an even steeper, rockier incline leading to higher ridge with only sky behind it. The dip completely hid this second ridge from the campsite, so Cate lost sight of us, and started to worry. Rex and I certainly were not about to turn back in defeat. We had no water, but we had tenacity. When we took breaks, Rex seemed glad for the opportunity to lie down, panting hard. It was tough going in the heat, but we continued climbing. It was all worth it: The view from the ridgetop was breathtaking. The slope on the other side was even steeper than what we had scaled, with no vegetation. And out beyond, rows of majestic snowy peaks stretched to the horizon. The breeze from that direction was chilly. It was getting toward late afternoon, so we headed back down to the campsite. The descent was a lot quicker, but we found Cate quite upset. We had been gone for hours.

Around the campfire that night, when the air had cooled, my sweat had dried, and emotions had settled, Cate told me about a passage she read in the Robbins novel while I was climbing. It was a metaphor comparing joy, fleeting as it is, to a butterfly — all one can do is tilt his/her head back and hope to kiss the butterfly as it passes over. The best part was that a tiger swallowtail landed on her arm shortly after she read that passage, and stayed for more than a minute.

Life flowed on that summer, our last summer before parenthood. Those were good days. We both had rewarding full-time jobs in Twin Falls, about 10 miles away. We had finally found a way to live in the country. If you knew Rex, you would agree that locking him in the house or chaining him outside were both unthinkable. He was free to wander, and he always showed up before dinner. After dinner, we would sit on the front porch on an old, dusty sofa. Rex would lie on the wooden slats beside us. We would look across the little-traveled road to an expansive alfalfa field. In the distance one balmy evening, our farmer landlord and his sons were mowing it for hay. There was a sweet smell in the air.

One September evening Rex didn’t show up. We called the police station in Kimberly, a parched crossroads hamlet three miles to the east. They had Rex, who had been brought in by an angry resident who owned 12 pet cats. Before Rex loped into town that afternoon, he’d owned 13 cats. There might have been a small fine, but I don’t think there were any licensing or leash laws. Hell, just the concept of zoning was being suggested for the first time by a couple of local environmentalists. Rex was glad to see us.

A week later it happened again. Rex had killed another of the man’s cats. We never met the man, never learned whether or not Rex had eaten the cats. This time the police conveyed the complainant’s warning to us: If it happened a third time, he would shoot Rex.

It took us a few days to decide what to do. We kept Rex in the mudroom while we were at work. We decided we had to let him go, farther out in the country. On Saturday we drove Rex about 45 miles to the south, toward the Nevada border. The irrigation ditches didn’t come close to this land, where the cattle ranches were miles apart. In between were low, rocky hills of sage, punctuated by willow bushes and the rare cottonwood tree along the creeks. On his white plastic flea-collar we had tried to tell his story with a ball-point pen. The only words I recall writing were “I AM NOT LOST”.

I did a U-turn. Behind our parked car, with a ranch visible in the distance, we hugged and patted Rex, who seemed to be anticipating another fun hike. We said goodbye, jumped in the car, and drove off. The car picked up speed. We went over a hill and could no longer see him running after us. We were crying.

Months later, on our wedding day, the stars aligned for me to see Rex one last time. Though we would host a restaurant dinner and a dance party at our cottage later that night, our late-afternoon wedding was not fancy — far from it. We invited only four friends to the service at the Twin Falls YWCA. The one who was a photographer forgot his camera. And we had gone to work that Friday for most of the day. The front of the building where I worked faced one of the main roads in town. Coming down the steps, I thought I saw Rex in the back of a faded red pickup truck. I ran, following the truck. A stoplight helped me catch up, and then the truck turned to park in front of a hardware store two blocks down. It was Rex all right, red eye and all. He was wagging his tail; he recognized me. While I was petting and talking to him, two men came out of the store. They were ranch hands from the area where we had released Rex. They said he had become the ranch’s “barn dog,” eating mostly cottage cheese! I imagined side dishes of rodents, but I didn’t ask about the cottage cheese. I didn’t think there were any dairy farms down that way, but then the ranches tended to be rather self-sufficient — many must have milk cows and make their own cheeses. I didn’t ask if the ranch had cats, either, but maybe ranch cats can take care of themselves. I suppose I digress here for the same reason I didn’t want those guys to drive off. But they did.

We’ll never forget Rex. We still feel blessed that he adopted us for a while.

###

 

The Rule of Three

 

This story makes more sense if you know a little about the mechanics of riding a mountain bike.

Think of a catcher getting set for a pitch, or a tennis player preparing to receive a serve. Picture their posture. Knees bent, elbows bent, hinged at the waist, maybe swaying a bit. They are loose, mobile, ready to move in whatever direction is required. That is what my mountain bike coach calls “the basic athletic position of the human body.”

Riding a mountain bike over challenging terrain, or over drops and jumps and along steep, chunky, rooty trails, the rider adopts the same basic position, standing on the pedals, limbs serving as shock absorbers in both compression and extension. The bike can move under you while your body stays stable. Your head does not get bounced around and so your vision of the trail ahead remains clear.

One thing you NEVER do is sit down. If you do that, you get tossed around with the bike. You lose your sight picture. You panic. Disaster soon follows.

 

Our dear friend Stacy died in October of 2020. The day of her funeral was clear and cold. I stood with my wife and the assembled friends (no family, sadly, but that is another story) as the rabbi read the service, talking eloquently of Stacy and our love for her. I was insulated from my own grief by my basic fatalism, by the Nordic stoicism my Mom instilled in me ever since I could talk, and by the need to support my wife, who is decidedly NOT Nordic and NOT stoic. The loss of Stacy, who was in essence her third sister, still claws at her soul.

I had never before been to a Jewish funeral. I hope I never again am.

The coffin – Stacy – was lowered into the earth. Next to the grave was a small pile of dirt from Israel, and a  trowel. The rabbi said that any who wished could come up and toss three trowels  of this earth onto the flower covered mahogany casket. I did it. Stacy’s husband managed it, but Stacy had been so sick for so long, I think he was essentially numb. Gina did it, which was hard beyond measure, but sometimes life comes down to doing what you must. Three small shovelfuls of earth.

I was curious. After the ceremony I asked the rabbi why three portions of earth. He told me that in the Jewish tradition, doing something three times indicated that you were doing it with purpose. Once might be an accident, Twice you might be doing it offhandedly, or be very careless. But three times meant you were doing the thing deliberately, with understanding.

For some reason that concept stuck in my mind. Three times and you meant it. Three times was real. Three times was important.

 

In the Spring of 2022 I was taking an advanced mountain biking skills workshop. We were working on drops, which means riding off high places onto lower places. Many people find this frightening. With my acrophobia, I find it terrifying. The smallest drop, a mere foot, was no problem. Then we moved on to the second one. This was a bit over two feet tall, but the landing was downhill, so you were really dropping three feet, maybe more. At fairly high speed, and immediately after into a banked turn. On my first try, I suddenly froze, sure that I  was moving too slowly, and hit the brakes. Damn my fear of heights. On my second attempt, again I felt uncertain, so I took the last minute go-around.

As I rode away and around to the beginning I cursed myself and my cowardice, my phobias, my lack of confidence. I KNEW how to do this. The technique is identical at any height. I wanted to quit and I wanted to go again.

I went again.

Another technical detail is that high-level riding is best done with your seat all the way down. I have a hydraulic seat post that lets me lower my seat on the fly. Very useful.

Speed is good. I went fast. As I reached the lip of the drop, I lowered my seat, assumed the correct position and soared off the edge –  and down to a perfect landing. I rode away screaming in triumph. My fellow students cheered as well. And then I remembered; three times makes it real.

I circled around. I headed for the drop. If anything, a bit faster. Speed is good here. I got to the edge. I dropped my seat. And just as I sailed over the edge, my thumb hit the dropper post lever and popped the damned seat right back up under my ass….

I could not do a thing about it. You lower the seat by sitting down on it, and I was already airborne. I was going to hit the ground with my seat all the way up, in pretty much a sitting position. And with my weight too high, I started to rotate forward. I was going to nose in.

The bike hit hard, but the fact that I was doing everything else right saved me. I didn’t crash. I rode away unscathed, to the cheers of those who had seen what had happened. In fact, I think that my being able to make a major mistake and still ride it out was more of a confidence boost than merely another uneventful success would have been.

I did, however, forego the third attempt that day. Better part of valor and all that.

Addendum: I hope that those of the Jewish faith who read this story do not think that I intend to or am trivializing the tradition of the three times by linking it to my mountain biking. Nothing could be further from my intent. I found the concept –  indeed the entire set of Jewish funeral customs – beautiful and comforting. The truth is, mountain biking is extremely important to me. It is far more than a recreational activity. It is a light in my inner darkness, Prozac with spokes. I spend a lot of time thinking about it. Mountain biking is very much an exercise in practical psychology, in fighting fear and finding the strength to persevere. It has changed me for the better.

The “rule of three” as described by the rabbi that day touched something inside me. I think about it frequently. MTB is hard. The rule of three to me is a touchstone. It encourages me to go back and try again. I also hope I am remembering his explanation correctly!

learning to ride a bicycle

im under 10 living in Miami.  visiting younger cousins who live in central Maine.  I have never ridden a bike. despite their ages, they consistently make me take risks as hey laugh their stupid heads off!!

I’m at the top of a smallish hill.  im on a bike headed down.  they hold onto the bike and plan on helping me and running with me as they let go. but once im pushed, they do not accompany me. im headed for the woods and hear them laugh louder.

what are brakes anyhow?

ab

 

Bike Trail

Bike Trail

The summer we bought our weekend house in a Connecticut community friends invited us to lunch and introduced us to Alice and her husband David.

I learned that Alice had a doctorate in music,  had worked in both the music and the publishing worlds,  sang in a New York chorus,  and was a children’s’ book reviewer.   As I had been a high school librarian,  that last reveal cemented our friendship.

And we soon discovered that altho we both had bikes,  neither of us had ridden in awhile,  so one day we decided to take out Alice’s old bike rack and drive to a lovely wooded trail in the area.

As I remember we had a few mishaps getting the rack on the car,  and a few more getting the two bikes on the rack,  but eventually we got to the trail,  bikes intact,  and soon we were breezing along.

Perhaps it was the glorious summer weather,  or the laughs and the conversation,  or just two women of a certain age feeling young and carefree – but despite the fact we did nothing extraordinary,  and we certainly broke no cycling records for speed or endurance,  we both remember it as a perfect day.

Still River Greenway,  Winchester,  CT

– Dana Susan Lehrman