A Man and His Water: A Chlorine-Tinged Odyssey

 

Swimming

Ah, swimming. That timeless activity – unless, of course, you consider the few unfortunate souls who haven’t yet grasped its aquatic glory. Evidence suggests most humans have been splashing around since the Stone Age, which, let’s be honest, is basically yesterday compared to the grand scheme of things. Here’s the kicker: even those toga-clad fellows in ancient Greece and Rome considered swimming a martial art. Can you imagine the intimidation factor? “Prepare to meet your doom, barbarian horde! I, Leonidas, shall vanquish you with a devastating… freestyle!”

Me? Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly born with flippers for feet. Unlike Michael Phelps, I didn’t emerge from the womb with a built-in breaststroke. My childhood consisted more of building elaborate sandcastle empires than conquering the high seas (or, more accurately, the kiddie pool). It wasn’t until junior high school, fueled by a potent combination of youthful bravado and the desperate need to escape a particularly soul-crushing philosophy lecture, that I decided to tackle this aquatic Everest.

The local indoor pool, bless its chlorinated heart, became my training ground. Picture this: an almost grown-up, flailing about like a particularly ungraceful sea lion, desperately trying to master the backstroke. It wasn’t pretty. But hey, perseverance is a virtue, right? Eventually, I graduated from the shallow end to venturing into the “deep end,” which, let’s be honest, was still only about chest-high. But progress is progress, folks!

Now, the question remains: where’s the best place to flaunt my (somewhat questionable) swimming prowess? The ocean? Absolutely breathtaking, but let’s be real, the constant threat of rogue waves and jellyfish stings isn’t exactly conducive to a relaxing dip. Lakes? Sure, if you enjoy the thrill of potentially encountering nature’s mystery meat – a submerged log, a discarded tire, and remember that fish piss in ponds and lakes (and the ocean.) For me, the good ol’ fashioned indoor swimming pool reigns supreme. Predictable (in the best way possible), clean (most of the time), and with a steady supply of chlorine-scented towels – what more could a swimmer ask for?

Of course, I wouldn’t be living the full human experience without acknowledging the many water-averse peoples. Look, I get it. The vast unknown can be intimidating. But let me tell you, friends, overcoming that fear is an achievement of epic proportions. Plus, think of the bragging rights! “Yeah, I used to be terrified of a little H2O, but now I can conquer swimming with the best of them.” See? Instant legend status.

So, the next time you find yourself poolside or shore-side, don’t be afraid to take the plunge. You might just discover a hidden aquatic talent, or at least manage a halfway decent doggy paddle. And who knows, maybe you’ll even inspire some poor younger souls to conquer their fear of swimming. Just remember, when it comes to swimming, the only true failure is remaining on dry land. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with the freestyle lane or a questionable outdoor tan line.

–30–

 

My 74th Birthday

Yep I finally reached the 74 water mark. Looking Young for my age, I m in relatively Good Heath. Now suffering from Diabetes with painful feet. It’s always something.

The world is in commotion. The Lord and my Loved ones are supporting me. I Just reached 500 subscribers after 5 months as a dj on my own You Tube Studio Channel.   My beloved friends, Robert and Brittany Turley Took me out to a very nice Chinese Restaurant to celebrate   my reaching 74. The restaurant was kiddy corner from The huge bank Of America Building which someday will be looked apon like the Parthinone in Greece. Robert has his office there. Beautiful Day. Great To be alive. Brittany picked me up in her electronic Chariot and off we went to pick up Bob on California street aand then walk over to some yummy food. I am suprised we didn’t lick our plates, the food was so good. Gave them a jar of real Honey.  picture below

Lifelong swimmer – good and bad

I learned to swim in Long Island Sound by New London, CT, probably when I was four or so. I like swimming in pools and the ocean. Don’t especially like lakes and their usually slimy bottoms. Concrete and sand are OK on the feet, for some reason.

I started snorkeling as an adult and love it. Most memorable snorkeling trips were in Tahiti and Fiji, where we saw three HUGE giant clams on one small reef, all with different colored lips waving in the current.

Very bad experience while on a sailing charter to the British Virgin Islands, where my wife’s best friend since their teens drowned while snorkeling on Anegada. It was a primitive beach, so my wife performed CPR for over 45 minutes until an NP arrived and pronounced our friend dead. Extremely traumatic event, as you may imagine. One thing that came from that was we always snorkel with inflatable snorkel vests now, which would have saved our friend.

To keep up with my wife, I got certified in scuba diving about 15 years ago, and have had some nice experiences. Most interesting was coming upon eight big lemon sharks at Bora Bora.

With climate change and no snow in Mn., this may be my last drive in white

The silent sentry deceptively contrasts against the cold winter sky.

A Minnesota winter is both a threat and a reward. 

“The beast is loose and kills tonight…”

Two popular songs portray winter with contrary emotions. The Russian band, Krokus, leads into terror: Russian winter, broken hearts/Cold winds in the dark/The beast is loose and kills tonight/Full moon burning bright. Run for your life/Run for your life/Run for your life/Run for your life. The much-overused “Jingle Bells” invites a joyful sleigh ride to a family dinner. I have combined touches of both themes in describing my 200 mile car ride home in the depths of a Minnesota winter.

December 2007: one of the worst Minnesota winter storms with gales and snowfalls of more than 20 inches. As my daughter, Ariel, and I drove in our Subaru to our northern Minnesota home 200 miles to the north, we faced weather warnings that should have convinced us to cancel the trip. The drive was scripted out of a Hogwarts initiation rite of passage for the apprentice wizards. We were leaving St. Paul headed toward a foreign, challenging world.

That day there were nearly a thousand reported accidents and a dozen plus deaths statewide. We saw cars stranded, crashed, rolled over with tires trying to find traction in the air above. Ambulances roamed around us with sirens moaning like cows lost in the snowbanks. The winter’s peculiar optics engaged us with snow tornados, sending their white forms without shadows at our windshield. Driving into the night, the winds exceeded 50 miles per hour which propelled our car into a vicious world of mysterious energy.

Large bulwarks of snow appeared on the road like icy crocodiles whose noses pushed out from the edges of the fields. We had to swerve to miss the sepulcher bodies or we would have flipped into the ditch. These snow amphibians blew across the road with a fantastical sense of power and threat.

Our vision stretched outward to fields covered with ribbons of fog and clumps of blowing snow.

Agitated  trees stood like camouflaged soldiers in a white swamp. The trunks were invisible; just the swaying tops of the trees were visible. It looked like lower limbs and tops of trees were moving toward us in the pockets of the storm. I felt as if I was in Elsinore at the overture of a tragedy. Would we get out of here alive?

The skidding traffic magnified the threats to our lives.

Vehicles would come up quickly behind us with their blinding lights, then hit the brakes, and suddenly dovetail across the road to pass. In the most frightening case, a snowmobile headed directly toward us with a shaking light that obscured my vision. Because of the snow flurries, I could only make out a bright object that frightened me with its apocalyptic threatening eye heading toward our car. The light suddenly swerved into the far lane. Startled, I braked and he stopped his threatening snow machine. He paused to stare at me. Then we passed by each other in the night.

My daughter and I arrived safely, though exhausted, at our home. It is just three hours away from the Cities at regular speeds. It took over six hours to reach our destination. Anna, wife and mother, was predictably relieved to see us appear out of the dark.

The next day was the total Minnesota weather denial that there had been any storm the night before. The sun rose in a clear sky and snow covered the ground like a well-made bed. Lack of any wind gave us the opportunity to fly in a Cessna Cherokee 4-seater over a fairytale landscape. Now we know what it means to enter rapture after the storm!

My daughter and I modified the popular song by Joni Mitchell to end our journey:

“We’ve looked at snow from both sides now, From up and down and still somehow
It’s snow’s illusions, we recall. We really don’t know snow at all.”

“Oh, what fun it is to ride….”

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Richard C. Kagan