I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. To me, it is one of those days that creates such high expectations that one is almost bound to be disappointed. (I feel the same way about Mother’s Day.) There are probably more depressed people than happy people on February 14th, as evidenced by all the stories that pop up with headlines like “8 reasons why Valentine’s Day makes you depressed.”
I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, a holiday that creates such high expectations that one is almost bound to be disappointed.
I have memories of elementary school, passing out and receiving little valentines in class, but I’m actually not sure if these are memories from my own childhood or that of my children. What I do remember is boxes with an assortment of cards, all different but all on the same theme. Might have been Disney (like the featured image), or bunnies or kittens or cars back in the ’50s. For my kids in the ’90s and ’00s, it could still have been Disney, or else Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Muppets, or My Little Pony. But since each card had a slightly different message, it was agony deciding who would get each one. What I don’t remember is whether in my childhood we were required to give valentines to everyone in the class or if we were allowed to pick and choose who got them. I have a suspicion that it was the latter. I’m pretty sure that my kids were required to give them to everyone, which is obviously the right way to go. Still, the process was time-consuming and not that satisfying, and I think everyone would have been just as happy to have a class party with cupcakes (with pink frosting, of course) and skip the cards altogether. Certainly the cards that had candy inside were the ones that they all liked the best.
As an adult, in the years that I was single it was always a depressing day. It is such a couples day that it makes people who are not part of a couple (and would like to be) feel lonelier than on other days. Even when I was dating someone, if he didn’t make enough of a fuss (or any fuss), it made me sad because it suggested that he didn’t care enough. Silly, when I would never have thought about wanting a fuss on any other day. It was the expectations that did me in.
Now that I have been married for a zillion years, I don’t worry about such things. My husband has taken to buying me chocolate every year, because it is something he knows I will like. In recent years, it has been handmade truffles, from a little shop in our neighborhood, that are divine. He isn’t really buying them for me, he is buying them for us, because he eats half of whatever he brings home. (Literally. We cut each truffle in half.) And that’s fine. It’s just an excuse for both of us to eat fabulous chocolate.
I never buy anything for him, nor does he expect me to. Which makes me wonder: why is it the man who is supposed to give something, whether flowers or candy or just a card, and the woman who is disappointed if he doesn’t? Perhaps things are more equal for gay couples, I don’t know.
I learned from the text for this prompt that some people propose marriage, or even get married, on Valentine’s Day. I have never known any of those people. And I don’t think I have ever known anyone who loves Valentine’s Day. I’m looking forward to the possibility that there will be stories here about what a wonderful day it is.
For your amusement, here are the lyrics to “My Funny Valentine” by Rodgers & Hart, from Babes in Arms (1937). Not exactly your typical love song. And here is Frank Sinatra singing it, if you want to listen.
My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art.
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is Valentine’s Day.
Suzy
First, Suzy, thanks for choosing “My Funny Valentine” as your song title title. I was thinking that you might choose it simply because I couldn’t think of any other song titles with the word “Valentine” in them. But I particularly enjoyed you also including the very clever, off-beat lyrics, which I don’t think I ever knew, as well as the terrific Sinatra rendition.
As to your story itself, I think you have hit a real chord in noting that the day is ready-made for disappointment, or at least lowered expectations, rather than for the pure joy it is ostensibly about. I will be curious to see if other Retro writers note this sad irony as well.
That said, I think that you and your husband have somehow hit it just right, at least in the context of a “zillion year” marriage. And, indeed, your cutting each truffle in half to share is absolutely adorable. That assumes, of course, that you have very similar tastes in chocolates. My wife and I don’t but, happily, seem to have opposite and very complementary tastes, so she likes the ones I don’t like and vice versa. That works just fine, too.
Thanks, John, glad you liked the lyrics and the Sinatra rendition (the Sinatra link was an 11th-hour brainstorm late last night). My husband and I do have the same taste in chocolate, with two exceptions: I love peanut butter and chocolate together and he can’t stand it; and he is willing to eat milk chocolate, which I am not. So if we get a box of chocolates from someone else, with a mixture of milk and dark, he eats all the milk chocolates, but then we share the dark chocolates (I might get a few more to be equitable).
Yep Suzy, we do the chocolate exchange too!
In fact we did it last night – why wait until Sunday when the Godiva is already in the house!
Good attitude, Dana. Why wait, indeed!
I definitely remember that song, Suzy, and share all of your observations about Valentine’s Day. Maybe this is the only good thing about the pandemic. People don’t expect much this year, and most kids are not attending in-person school, so not too many of those meaningless cards to pass out.
Yes, the pandemic has probably lowered everyone’s expectations about everything! Wonder how many of the changes will remain after the pandemic is over.
You little rascal…for someone who doesn’t like Valentine’s Day, you sure wrote a great story about it! That song…perfect! And I happen to find you and your husband sharing the chocolates romantic, even if it’s for practical reasons. Re your final sentence above the line, I hope my story doesn’t disappoint…no grand gestures, just sweet ones.
Thanks, Barb. Glad you liked the story and the song. And I guess you’re right that sharing each truffle is romantic – even though we are both carefully measuring to make sure all the pieces are of equal size!
Suzy, I, too, remember all the drama around giving and getting cards as a youngster. And for my kids, they had to give one to everyone in their class, like you describe. NECCO made those cute sugary confections with sweet sayings on them, but they’ve gone out of business (New England Confection Company; their big building in Cambridge sold off. I believe someone bought the rights to the candy.) Those were fun to put in the envelopes.
I really liked that you included the link to Frank Sinatra singing “My Funny Valentine”. It’s not sentimental at all; quite wistful, about loving imperfections. I really appreciated that.
Wow, I did not know that NECCO had gone out of business – how sad! They were iconic! I certainly hope someone else is making the candy hearts.
Yes, it’s a great song! Unfortunately, when they made the movie of Babes in Arms, starring Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, this song and several others were cut.
My aunt worked for the Necco company and used to send care packages to us in Oklahoma filled with all the candy the company made.
I get this, Suzy, because it expresses my own take on Valentine’s Day really well. I agree that being single on Valentine’s Day (if you don’t want to be single) is a really depressing feeling.
Glad you agree, Marian. Hoping to see your take as well.
We don’t do Valentine’s Day at all. June is impossible to buy for – she already has everything she needs. (I mean, after all, she has me!) She only eats the darkest chocolate, she is very particular about jewelry, she is impossible to buy lingerie for, and the day itself is her ex’s birthday.
Thanks for this comment on my story. Oh wait, you didn’t say anything about my story. Well, thanks for telling me about your view of Valentine’s Day.
We are a bit fuzzy on the exact date, but Erich and I met on a Saturday night in February of 1971, before Valentine’s day. We became a couple almost immediately, something I can admit to now that my mother has passed, so we always celebrated our “anniversary” on Valentine’s Day, until we actually got married 24 years later on February 11th. We just celebrated 50 years of togetherness by going out to a socially distanced, outdoor dinner on the 11th and will go out tomorrow, the 14th, to a concert and dinner on a rooftop terrace with all safety protocols in place. The nice warm weather in San Miguel de Allende makes this possible.
And I forgot to say that I enjoyed your story.
Thanks, Cynthia. And thanks for telling me about you and Erich celebrating your anniversary on Valentine’s Day. Some day I would like to visit you in San Miguel de Allende.
I enjoyed the Sinatra rendition/Rogers & Hart song. I also enjoyed your thoughts about the role of Valentine’s Day in our lives–rather probing and deep reflections IMHO. For me as a young Jewish kid in a place with very few Jews, the holiday (the school version) came as a relief, with its purely secular fun and no prayers or songs about Jesus. We used to use shoe boxes in elementary school and decorate them to make them into receptacles for the cards to come, and there was a class party and everyone had to exchange with everyone.
I like your dividing truffles in half–we do that too.
Thanks for your comment, Dale. As Marian points out in her story, it IS a holiday named after a saint, but I agree there was no religious element to it in school. I also lived in a place with very few Jews, and we had a Bible reading and the Lord’s Prayer every morning, until the Supreme Court struck it down.
Glad to hear that you divide truffles in half too. Obviously wouldn’t work for chocolates that have liquid centers, but truffles never do.
Ah, such a strong and refreshing take on Valentine’s Day. Great expectations, so often dashed. I also appreciated that you pointed out how traditional, even sexist the ritual is. And this gift-giving valentine tradition has been forced into the same profit channels as Christmas and Halloween. Thanks for your take on the darker side of an often-clichéd day. I’m sure other folks will come up with brighter sides of the day.
Thanks, Charlie. Not too many stories on the bright side, as it turns out. Be sure to check out Barb’s though.
Lack of bright moments might be attributable to quarantine fatigue.