I grew up in a household that adhered to Ben Franklin’s words, hoping reasonable bedtimes and eight+ hours of sleep would make us healthy, wealthy, and wise. My husband’s family were night owls, his mother often staying up reading until 2:00-3:00 a.m. and rarely getting up early enough to make him breakfast before school. So, what happens when two sleep cultures marry?
Maybe it’s our age, but here we are, no longer needing to get up at dawn but set in our ways.
When I first met Fred at college, we were both enrolled in a 9:00 a.m. Sociology class. He rarely attended, having stayed up late playing bridge at his fraternity. When he asked to borrow and copy my notes, I acquiesced. I got an “A” for the class, but he got a “B.” So, there was some validation for my sleep and study habits, but not much.
Once we married in 1968, I convinced him that going to bed at a reasonable time (after the ten-p.m. news) made for sense for his medical school attendance and study hours and my work schedule teaching high school English. But after he started his private practice and we already had young children, everything shifted sleep-wise. He woke up extremely early (5:00 a.m.) to see patients who wanted appointments with their shrink before they started their work day. I tried to sleep a bit later, but young kids do get up pretty early. So, we put the kids to bed and then collapsed at a pretty early hour.
I complained about this schedule until I decided to go back to school for my Master’s in early childhood education. I made the amazing discovery that, if I got up at 5:00 a.m., I could get a lot of work done before the kids got up. After that, I was directing a preschool, which required work at home so I could be free in the late afternoon to manage by children’s after school activities. Thus, a habit became solidified. I adopted my husband’s schedule. We were now definitely early to bed and up at the crack of dawn.
Moving to a high-rise condo made this a beautiful experience. While we are now needlessly trapped in this time schedule, we can watch the sunrise (as demonstrated by the pictures with this story) and even the sunset in the winter. Maybe it’s our age, but here we are, no longer needing to get up at dawn but set in our ways, falling asleep by 9:30 and up to enjoy the sunrise.
Laurie LevyBoomer. Educator. Advocate. Eclectic topics: grandkids, special needs, values, aging, loss, & whatever. Author: Terribly Strange and Wonderfully Real.
Your pictures are spectacular, Laurie. I understand about the getting up early for work and children, but somehow, I still go to bed way too late (often taking inadvertent cat naps while watching TV at night). But, as a lady of leisure, I can take actual naps during the day if I am totally worn out. But early mornings are very productive and peaceful times, indeed.
Wish I were able to take cat naps. Maybe I could stay up later and get up later. But I still treasure what I get done early in the day when I feel most productive.
Thanx Laurie for the peek into your family’s sleep habits – past and present!
It’s always interesting to learn what other folks do. We both stay up far too late but don’t seem to be able to break that cycle!
I agree that it’s hard to break our cycles, especially as we get older. Guess we are doomed to get up at ridiculous o’clock.
I think the early to bed comes in part with passing years, and it is lovely to see the new day that you get with waking early. Now that work and kids don’t dictate your hours, it sounds like you have settled into a nice schedule. I can totally relate.
We are mostly fine with our habits, but those occasional late nights are killers. We seem to get up with the dawn, even when special events keep us up late. Even less sleep!
Amazing how you helped your hubby develop the sleeping habit he definitely needed as a doctor. I too discovered the beauty of mornings and the amount of work that can be done before the rest of the world wakes up. Your retirement condo seems ideal, and the pics of a rising Sun so inviting.
Yes, we feel lucky to have great views, although the past couple of days we have been plagued by the Canadian wildfires and unhealthy air. Still, early morning is my most productive time. Best time for me to write.
I do wonder how couples with extremely divergent schedules manage it. I cannot imagine me working nights and Gina days. I wonder if that is one reason why show business can be so hard on relationships?
One of many, I suspect. Over almost 55 years of marriage, we have settled on what works best for us.
I enjoyed your story of sleep-culture clashes, Laurie, because it evokes the same issue for my wife Annie and me. In our case, she is the night owl (bedtime about 2 a.m. on a good night) and I am in the sack by 11 p.m. A few months ago we tried a compromise, and it worked! Now we’re both in bed by midnight, and a few minutes later we are competing against each other in Wordle. Then she puts on her wireless earbuds and listens to her book while I pick mine up and read the old-fashioned way.
Long marriages require some compromise for sure. There is that old saying about how married couples become more like one another as time goes on. After almost 55 years, I believe it.