A tough prompt because I have already harvested this crop several times. There was Maria, which subject I am done with. There was Wife #1, a relationship that I have touched upon (https://www.myretrospect.com/stories/egrets-in-morning-sunlight/) and about which I also have no more to say. Cindy was, I thought for a brief time, The Big One, but on reflection…not so much. Not even a story. And of course there is Gina, a relationship that Retro readers will be quite familiar with. So, I decided to go back…way back…to the very first crush that I can recall.
We used to have round robin ball-room dances in gym back then.
I don’t remember if Dorothy was with me in Kindergarten. Or first grade. But some time during my grade school years, I became very aware of Dorothy.
Her last name is long forgotten. If you showed me a lineup of photos of all the girls in PS #4 at that time, I could, maybe, pick her out, but it would be a guess made primarily by eliminating all the ones who were either blonde or not white. What I mainly remember were that she had long dark hair, and she was remarkably tall. We were never close friends, but she was kind to nerds.
We used to have round robin ball-room dances in gym back then. We were given some rudimentary instruction first, then, on dance days, boys and girls were herded into the gym. The boys were told to pick a partner from the assembled girls, with whom we would dance until the teacher changed the record, at which point we would all have to disengage and pick new partners. Over and over again. For a very shy, uncoordinated, painfully introverted bookworm, this was torture of the first order.
Except for when I could dance with Dorothy.
I recall our awkward embraces, my right hand correctly around her waist, my left holding her right stiffly up and to one side as we circled each other to the tinny strains of some old waltz or other chestnut. No Bennie Goodman or Cab Calloway. Swing dancing, this was not.
Dorothy smiled as we danced. I presume we talked. I don’t know if I could call what I was feeling sexual attraction at that age. I knew only that she felt good, looked good, smelled good. She was pretty, entrancing me as I tilted my head back to look at her face. Maybe she is why I to this day am particularly attracted to tall brunettes.
All too soon, the music would stop momentarily, then resume. A different song, a different partner. Maybe a friend, like Kim or Roseanne. Maybe one of the ones who called me names, and joined the cheering crowd when I was pummeled in after-school fights. But none were Dorothy.
And then one day she was gone. Moved out of town, or at least to another part of my town and thus a different school. I never found out. I never saw her again.
I just knew that I missed her.
Dave VentreA hyper-annuated wannabee scientist with a lovely wife and a mountain biking problem.
Thank you choosing to go WAY BACK and share Dorothy with us, Dave. She seems so nice. I understand what it was like to be nerdy (I started wearing glasses at the age of 8, had large, buck teeth, etc, and was smart), so anyone who was nice to me was a very good person.
The idea of ballroom dancing at your age seems very tough indeed (we did square dancing in gym class, but that was fun). Doing the waltz with someone who wasn’t nice to you must have been torture. I’m so glad you had Dorothy as your friend for however long she was around. And yes, it is sad when those friends move away. My best friend and next-door neighbor moved away after second grade and I never saw her again. Those are big losses in our young lives.
Dave, I loved reading these memories of the young – very young – Dave in love. And am amazed at your recall not only of your first love Dorothy, but of the other kids in your class those decades ago, and the round robin grade school dances. I don’t think we had anything like that at PS 106!
You never forget the people who beat you up on a regular basis….or the ones who didn’t! I actually had another close friend who moved away during grade school, although I knew he was going had time to say farewell. It reinforced my inner conviction that everything good goes away, that life is at all times a crap shoot and the dice are loaded.
Dave, how sweet of you to go all the way back in time and find ‘Dorothy’. I can’t recall dancing together at that age, but it must have been so difficult for a shy and quiet student. And for exactly these reasons, Dorothy emerged.
Love the way you wrote it too, I felt as if I were you dreading when the music ended, and the awkwardness of another partner began. Also, my heart breaks for you that you were bullied and laughed at in school. Those are shitty memories to carry, but ‘In retrospect’ they probably made you a stronger and wiser person in life. The world could sure use your guidance today.
A sweet vignette. It was fun to hear someone attempt to describe an elementary school crush; one doesn’t see that many examples in literature.
I must have skipped my latency period….
Dave, here’s a story we all can relate to, because we all had first-grade crushes. Mine was Connie Vassel, for whom I walked the long way to school each day, just to pass by her house on the corner. And then, like your Dorothy, one day she was gone when her family moved out of town. You convey this memory sweetly and concisely, and it brings back similar memories for all of us.
Thanks, Jim! Your comment led me to remember another grade school crush, name of Roseanne. If I ever write my Winesburg, Ohio-esque novel, I have the basics of several chapters already laid out here on Retrospect!